The ioHann Test

FACT: i only mess with my hair primarily because of a girl(s)

-with the rate of how it looks now, damn. i must be the loneliest dude on earth.

which leads to the next fact…

FACT:  i fear i have acquired impotence

- can my life be any sadder?:( probably caused by the endless chain of depression, pressure, and loneliness.

FACT:  i am actually graduating (^_^)

- yup, prior to my INJUSTICE entry, they actually screwed themselves after i personally talked to the dean.  Thus, my graduation this October.

FACT:  im not psycho anymore.

- believe it or not, i’ve sought help. and finally i could say im not psycho anymore (^_^) which in a way sucks. i feel like it degraded me.  i dont think too much anymore, i dont plot psychotic strategies of revenge, i dont slash myself, and i quit being Othello’s Iago.  it makes me less interesting though =( easier to understand but less interesting. the only thing that remained crazy and weird in me is my fashion statement.

FACT:  i feel like im losing it…

- when i was psycho, i could handle depression, loneliness, pressure, injustice, jealousy, and betrayal.  i could handle it VERY well. but now that im normal… i f*cking cry. yes i f*cking cry like a baby and look for a "friend" for a shoulder to cry on, helpless.  i feel the pain 10X more which makes me throw up — and worst of all, i couldnt even slash myself anymore

the worst fact is…

FACT: i fear.

- when i was psycho, i was a MASOCHIST.  i loved pain, thus kept me far from being suicidal.  Pain gives me strength, pain became my pleasure — physical pain, emotional pain, psychological pain…Suicide was a mere escape from the pleasure of pain.  but now that im NOT a masochist anymore… i fear.

it might be a big cliche, but i think im suffering from MORTIS CUPIO  – also known as the "death wish".

"Psychiartics say that the people who tell about their suicidals are those that dont actually push through, they just want to be stopped." — Dr. Luis

"Those who drop hints of their suicidals are f*cking cowards"

–Johannes Daniel G. Garcia

BACA 01-10898