The ioHann Test

Hey guys, I’ve been working in
this concept, it’s nothing new, but check this out. After teaching English to Korean kids for 4.5
months and getting exposed to a lot of children’s stories, they all got mixed
up with my disturbed post-modern post-structural processing of ideas, and
here’s what I came up with. By the way,
this is NOT for any academic purpose or
anything, it’s just one of my
personal pastimes and I’d love you’re help on it, if you are into these
kind of things (specifically if you are a deconstructionist like me).

 

NOTE:  THIS CONCEPT MAY NOT BE FIT
OR AGREED UPON BY SOME PEOPLE.

YOU
DON’T HAVE TO READ THIS IF YOU FIND YOURSELF UNINTERESTED.

 

OBJECTIVES:

 

basically, it should be in a form
of a story for children, so the vocabulary must be as simple as possible. I was hoping at least grade 2 level, but I
think some parts of the story would really need a little more complicated words
for intricate details. Well this is the
first part I’ll need help on: HELP #1: SIMPLIFICATION

since it is in the form of
children’s stories, I’m really planning on making it appear as it – I’m imagining a storybook with big texts and
illustrations per page.

 

Another aim of this story is to
put as much underlying and subliminal issues of intra/interpersonal, social,
psychological, political, and any other bullsh*t we could associate to, in each
character and event of the story. That’s
why I’m gonna need help on this: HELP #2: ANALYSIS. Bias it on every idealism you know, take
every approach you can (Marxist, Feminist, Religious, Social, psychological,
socio-psychological, Freudian <my personal fav>, Political, post-modern,
formalist, structural, stylistic, etc etc) Let’s try to extract every single meaning semantically, semiotically,
and stylistically as much as we can. There’s a lot of fun doing that (^_^)

 

MODIFICATIONS:

 

Formalistically, I had planned to
use a main character classified as a WTF
animal, (a.k.a. “what the f*ck!?” animal) meaning an animal that nobody
really knows, probably a rare specie only found in the most unknown parts of
the earth, or some animal you only heard in Discovery channel or Animal
Planet. Preferably something cute, that why I thought of the rodent
class, in my draft I chose a ‘little squirrel’. See one of my main objectives is to make the main character lovable by the readers, thus invoking
more extreme pathos to the readers once he gets f*cked (not literally, you’ll
know what I mean when you read the story).

Something like when people read
the story, “There once was a little Skwama. What
the f*ck is a Skwama!?” thus
fulfilling the formalist goal, to keep the reader wondering, or thinking,
asking around, or even researching on what
the hell is a Skwama. (I have no
idea what a Skwama is, its just an example) But to keep the image of cute and
lovable for the main character, it
must be shown either in description, or illustration. Maybe you could come up
with something? Whether it is a real existing rare unknown animal with a catchy
WTF name, or (as sir David Manaois suggested) just make a fictional one with a
catchy name, and never reveal that it is fictional thus leaving the readers
either deceived or searching for truth in vain. HELP
#3: our WTF Animal.

 

The story I wrote is just a draft,
i really would appreciate suggestions, additions, modifications, and the likes
that would furthers enhance the story on our objective number 2 (maximizing the
associative issues). But I guess you
probably get the picture of this whole concept I’m talking about? A friend said that my Objective number 3 is
to make sure I cause nightmares to the children who read it. But I think a better objective, or challenge,
it to make the story appear so nice,
cute, lovable and great for children, given that the adults who might get a
copy of it do not read the ending yet. It must look so much like a simple nice child’s story, when in fact it
would probably be messing with the little kid’s head (evil laugh). But regardless of that, the aim of this
concept is basically post-structural in nature. And for me, integrating the sickest most profound issues into the
simplest children’s story is an art
in itself.

 

Again I am calling only to those
who are into these stuff, people who like analyzing, overanalyzing, and view
such cognitive processes as a pastime or leisure, people who love to
deconstruct, and those who do this for a living.

 

After this, maybe I’ll tell u
about the contingency  plan I am working
on of how to deconstruct PBB (Pinoy Big Brother) and be immortalized by it (evil laugh). But first I’ll have to pass the auditions.

 

–ioHann

09192160009

iohann@radio.fm

 

 

 

The Little Squirrel

By ioHann Garcia

 

There
once was a little squirrel got who bored in the woods, so he decided to live in
the city.  He walked for days until he
reached that place of which only few animals have ever returned from. There he experienced new things and wonders
that were never in the woods.

From
the small hole of a fruit store where he stayed, a man dropped a small gadget that
fell right by the squirrel’s hole. The
gadget had a small light that shone when you pressed it.  Discovering this, the squirrel was in awe and
amazement.

He
remembered his little sister in the woods.  She always got scared at night when the owls
hoot, she was always scared of the dark.

Then
he realized why he had gone to the city. He had a purpose, and it was to find that little gadget that will end
his sister’s scary nights, to bring home that special shining light that will
make his little sister happy and sleep soundly.

The
next day he decided to go back to the woods and share what he had seen and done
in the new world where he had gone to. But most importantly, he had to bring back the special gift for his
beloved sister.  He carried the little gadget
all the way to the woods. It was heavy,
and very difficult to carry, but all he could think of was his little
sister.

"I’m
doing this for her and nothing can stop me". He traveled without stop for thee days until
he did not have an ounce of strength left. He felt very tired and fell asleep.

When
the little squirrel woke up, he found himself deep in the woods. My, was he surprised when he realized his gadget
was gone! He searched and searched for a
whole day, but deep in the woods only grew darker and scarier.  Giving
up hope, the little squirrel sadly decided to go home to his sister.

When
he got to his old tree hole, he yelled "I’m home".  Nothing but silence echoed his cry.

"Where
is my sister?" he wondered to himself.

"If
you’re looking for your little sister, I’m afraid I must cry," an old weathered
owl hooted deeply from above.

"And
why will you cry, old owl, I might ask?" said the little squirrel with as
his eyebrows met.

"The
day you left your sister alone, the boa came along the second you were gone.  He crushed your sister until she couldn’t move
and swallowed her every inch until she was no more," the old owl said as
she burst in tears.

The
little squirrel fell on his knees hearing the old owl’s story. And then he cried, and cried, until he fell
asleep.

“Wake
up, squirrel! Quickly, we must see!” cried the newt as he woke the little
squirrel.

“What is going on? I am too sad to see” whispered the little
squirrel still drying his tears.

“All
the animals are gathered in the cove to see what Mighty Lion had taken from the
sky!”

The
Little Squirrel could that all the animals were rushing from left and right
towards the cove where Mighty Lion stood. He followed the newt along with the crowd of animals.

When
the newt and the little squirrel arrived at the cove, the afternoon sun had
already set. They were all the way at
the back because there were so many animals.

“We
humbly request, Mighty Lion, that you show us this treasure from the sky!” said
a monkey swinging on a tree.

“Behold,
all creatures of this land, I have taken a star from the sky!” roared Mighty
Lion for all the animals to hear. And
with a firm press of his paw on the rock, a small but bright light shone from
beneath.

“Amazing!” cried the animals in awe.

“Truly
you are most powerful, Mighty Lion, to have plucked a star from the great big
sky!” said the monkey with a respectful bow.

Instantly,
the little squirrel knew what they were seeing. The prized treasure under Mighty Lion’s paw was indeed the little gadget
of light that the little squirrel had lost — the little gadget of light that
he carried with all his might on his back for three days, the little gadget of
light he had taken care of just for his little sister.

“That’s
not a star!” cried the little squirrel all the way from the back.

All
the animals quickly turned to him in shock.

“And
who might you be, little pest, to deny me, the Mighty Lion!” roared Mighty Lion
angrily.

“I
have traveled into the city where I found that which you hold in your paw. I have brought it back for my sister, but it
disappeared when I fell asleep in the woods.” Said the little squirrel in a
small voice.

“What
is a city?” asked the newt.

“I
don’t know,” said the monkey.

“Liar!”
screamed Mighty Lion, “you dare steal my glory for yourself?”

“You
are too small to even carry a magnificent star!” yelled the monkey.

“Liar!
Liar!” chanted the mob of animals.

“I
am telling the truth! I have brought
that star here in the woods so my little sister will not cry anymore at night
when she is scared of the dark.” Pleaded
the little squirrel.

“So
now you say it is a star, you little imbecile! You do not even have a brain!” Roared the angry lion.

“Where
is this sister you say? We do not see
your sister!” said the monkey which brought the mob of animals in laughter.

“But…”
the little squirrel choked when he remembered the sad fate of his little
sister.

“He’s
guilty! Look at his face! He is nothing but a liar who wants to steal the glory
of our Mighty Lion!” announced the
monkey while he swung on the vines toward the little squirrel.

“Kill
him! Kill him!” roared the crowd, when Mighty Lion suddenly gave out a mighty
roar and silenced them.

“You
are lower than dust to even think of denying me! Leave this place and never return, you are
nothing but a pest in my kingdom!” said
the lion as all the animals yelled curses and insults.

The
little squirrel froze in fear and could not breathe as he watched the
threatening eyes of every single animal in the cove.

THUD! A big rock hit his cheek, and quickly brought
him back to his senses as warm blood flowed out. He turned away and ran with all his might to
the deepest and darkest part of the woods, hoping that he would disappear.

The
little squirrel could not cry out in fear, but big painful rolls of tears
flowed down his eyes, mixed with the blood on his cheek and down to the black
soil of the murkiest part of the forest. He did not stop running, until suddenly…

The
little squirrel felt he was swiftly lifted up the air by something, although he
could barely see in the dark, then quickly smashed into the ground. Then he felt his whole world pressing against
him. He could not breathe. He tried to scream, or cry, but instead a strong
gasp of air was pushed out of him. His
bones were starting to crack, and he was feeling warm and very cold at the same
time. The pain and agony was too much to
describe or even think of. Then the
excruciating unbearable pain started to turn into numbness as he felt sliding
in a warm and sticky tunnel. And then it
was quiet.

Somehow,
the little squirrel’s love for his little sister had formed a bond between
them. It was a powerful bond that
enabled him to sense or know when the presence of his beloved sister is
close. Now wonder that by the time the
little squirrel had returned to the woods, his special sense for his sister was
never present… which was later on explained by the old owl by their tree.

But
at that very moment, with the little consciousness left of the little squirrel
in an unknown tight and sticky place, something brushed on his broken
body. And right there, he knew… he was
with his little sister.

 

 

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 7th, 2006 at 12:43 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.